Log: August 2010.
Profile Of Guy: Maharashtrian-Jain
Age: 52 years
Profile: Scientist
This happened sometime in August 2010. The person was a 52 year old Pune-based acquaintance I met a year ago, from a popular common interest travel website. He was a divorcee, not looking for another relationship at the time, so I had not pursued the matter. We met at a local restaurant with common friends, shared a few anecdotes and exchanged notes about each other's plans for that year.
It was only in May this year, that a common friend & former girlfriend, suggested him as a potentially good partner. She profiled him and he seemed suitable enough. "But he is not interested in marriage." she emphasised.
"Let's see", I answered, not wanting to let a good profile go based on some typical social taboos about live ins. I have met live ins, and they were quite happy with their lives. And who says the institution of marriage assures any kind of security? Maybe alternative partner lifestyle was the answer in the future. "You never know, it may work for you..." the friend suggested.
A couple of months rolled by and the common friend seemed to have forgotten all about it. I got impatient and dug up his number and called him one rainy July evening and he was every happy to get back in touch with me. We talked on the phone for days after that, and he was very forthcoming and clear about his status — that he was in a relationship with a girl my age who was reluctant to marry him, which suited his ideology to not get married at all. After all, he had been in a bad marriage for 18+years and did not want another mess on his table. His logic was clear, the man was frank.
Click, click, clicking
We had a lot in common; he loved reading, travelling, music, adventure travelling and shared the same grief about losing our fathers at the same time and around similar conditions and around the same time. He did not want children, and neither did I. He had a stable job and yearned to explore newer horizons in India and outside. He was a scientist, preparing to publish a paper for his phd and liked keeping fit, blogging and organising social meetups in Pune. An interesting profile and a very interesting person. Hmmm, what more could I want?
Meeting The Man
He invited me over to Pune. I agreed and one Sunday morning, I found myself in a bus on my way there. We met and spent the rest of the day together driving around his workplace, the city and he showed me around some tourist areas of interest. He was very open about his girlfriend, who did not want to marry him. Neeways, a lunch, another drive, a cup of tea and dinner together, it was crystal clear that he was reluctant to move out of that relationship, but was open to a"friendship"; like a travel partner along parallel lines.
Questions
But was I ready to that "type" of life? The answer was in plain sight. "Not for me". I'm on the wrong side of 30s, at a risk of being 'shelved', but I think I'll take my chances with my destiny and find a man who can be all mine. I returned to Mumbai, late that night... but couldn't have been more clear about what I did not want anymore. Thanks to him.
PS: He continues to remain a good friend and travel advicer and I continue to write for his website for fun. And thats the end of my search to his door. Guess that won't change.
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