August 2010: When I Meet Curiosity

Search Log: August 2010
Profile Of Guy: Parsi
Age: 40 years
Profile: Businessman
Found his profile on Shaadi.com and called him, asking him to check my profile first and to call back if he was interested. He called back later and confirmed that he was and that we could meet. That was Step 1.

Step2: We met at a coffee joint at Phoenix Mall. He was just as he looked in his profile pix. He was smart, had a ready smile and was easy to converse with. He was a businessman who stayed in Mumbai Central, and ran his business from South Mumbai. He was a divorcee without any children.

Coffee & Questions
"Do websites like shaadi.com really work?" he asked me not 2 minutes after we had found our seats.
"Yes, they do. You read the papers about the millions of Indians
logging on, searching everyday and the stories about couples who have found each other this way." I answered.
 "Are the people on this site serious about finding partners?"
"Can't answer for all of them, but I am. That's why I called you. Hope you are serious." My 'alert radar' was up and I tried to scope what he was thinking. I had a hunch that this was not going to work. Yet, I pushed my doubts, hunches, feelings and questions aside. "Go with the flow, let him take the lead", I counselled myself in my head.
He said, "yes, I am. But I dont know about how these sites work. My friend looks into it for me."
"You're lucky you have a frnd whose helping you this way. The rest of us manage independantly." I added, wondering where the talk was going.
"Do people look at the profiles before contacting each other?"
"Are they truthful about themselves on the website?"
"Was I the spokeperson for these websites? Or am I being the spokeperson for all the members of the websites?" I wondered to myself. 

Well after an hour into the talks, we finished our coffees. We learnt a little about what each other were doing with our lives, what we did after work and more so about how bad his marraige was before he decided to call it quits. We got up and said our goodbyes. Just before we parted way I asked, "Just what got you to respond to my profile?"
"Oh, you spoke very well." he answered, and we split knowing that was the last we would see of each other.

And More Qs
As I found myself answering his Qs all through our meetup, I found myself asking Qs mostly to myself on my way back home.

• So what did that mean? I 'spoke' well, but I dont 'look' that well?
• Was he serious at all about the search or just curious about the person on the other end of the line who just happened to speak well?
• Should I have drawn the line at some point about all His Qs?
• Should I have cut his Qs and made him answer some of my own?

All pointless ruminations of a meetup that would never go further. And I bite the dust again.

August 2010: When I Could Define The Relationship I Want

Log: August 2010.

Profile Of Guy: Maharashtrian-Jain
Age: 52 years
Profile: Scientist

This happened sometime in August 2010. The person was a 52 year old Pune-based acquaintance I met a year ago, from a popular common interest travel website. He was a divorcee, not looking for another relationship at the time, so I had not pursued the matter. We met at a local restaurant with common friends, shared a few anecdotes and exchanged notes about each other's plans for that year.

It was only in May this year, that a common friend & former girlfriend, suggested him as a potentially good partner. She profiled him and he seemed suitable enough. "But he is not interested in marriage." she emphasised.

"Let's see", I answered, not wanting to let a good profile go based on some typical social taboos about live ins. I have met live ins, and they were quite happy with their lives. And who says the institution of marriage assures any kind of security? Maybe alternative partner lifestyle was the answer in the future. "You never know, it may work for you..." the friend suggested.

A couple of months rolled by and the common friend seemed to have forgotten all about it. I got impatient and dug up his number and called him one rainy July evening and he was every happy to get back in touch with me. We talked on the phone for days after that, and he was very forthcoming and clear about his status — that he was in a relationship with a girl my age who was reluctant to marry him, which suited his ideology to not get married at all. After all, he had been in a bad marriage for 18+years and did not want another mess on his table. His logic was clear, the man was frank.

Click, click, clicking
We had a lot in common; he loved reading, travelling, music, adventure travelling and shared the same grief about losing our fathers at the same time and around similar conditions and around the same time. He did not want children, and neither did I. He had a stable job and yearned to explore newer horizons in India and outside. He was a scientist, preparing to publish a paper for his phd and liked keeping fit, blogging and organising social meetups in Pune. An interesting profile and a very interesting person. Hmmm, what more could I want?

Meeting The Man
He invited me over to Pune. I agreed and one Sunday morning, I found myself in a bus on my way there. We met and spent the rest of the day together driving around his workplace, the city and he showed me around some tourist areas of interest. He was very open about his girlfriend, who did not want to marry him. Neeways, a lunch, another drive, a cup of tea and dinner together, it was crystal clear that he was reluctant to move out of that relationship, but was open to a"friendship"; like a travel partner along parallel lines.

Questions
But was I ready to that "type" of life? The answer was in plain sight. "Not for me". I'm on the wrong side of 30s, at a risk of being 'shelved', but I think I'll take my chances with my destiny and find a man who can be all mine. I returned to Mumbai, late that night... but couldn't have been more clear about what I did not want anymore. Thanks to him.

PS: He continues to remain a good friend and travel advicer and I continue to write for his website for fun. And thats the end of my search to his door. Guess that won't change.