Some profiles I have come across on Shaadi.com
No offence to those who have made a brave effort to put up their profile in whatever bits of English they could string together. Once upon a time, it was sentences like these that would amuse me, but not any more. Today, I think I am more sensitive to others who may not have the advantage on these leading Indian but English matrimonial websites in a country that is more vernacular and diversified even in a rapidly advancing city like Mumbai. I wonder why they don't offer a language option on the matri-websites when even social platforms like Facebook offer the option.
SH69273105
Hi dis s cool sagar, Qualified frm a v. much reputed institute of mumbai m quite spiritual friendly & fun loving by nature. Experienced many ups n down of life seems to ten year younger of age maintained my physic is one can say my achievements right well enjoying my profession n comedy movies is my hobby. Finally decided to settle down with any one of you.. Thanks sharing your valuable moment...... regards.
***
dipak_kap( SH93278294 )
Other members can refer or search for you by your Profile ID (SH93278294) or User Name (dipak_kap)_Shaadi.com(9 aug2010).
i am divorci but just unmarried because i married girls was doctor but she maid girl by madical oparetion from boy to girls see is just no man no girls this is very bad chitting and by hard work i come out from that situation i am simpel but belive in all riligious & honesty, respect to all & all lworld. i have perfect gole of life. i respect all riligious. my family is very small two member & my father. my father is rtd. govt. officer. ilike music drowing (he means drowning or driving?), travelling. yoga. i belive in truth. i like same way family velu cerring girl for me. i belive more in in hindu.
***
Thursday, November 4, 2010
When she asked, "What's Wrong With Me?"
Search Log: 1998
Back then, marriage bureaus were very popular in our circle, and thus we visited one such popular agent, Priya Shah. She gave us a list of prospective candidates with their numbers, and left us to our own wills. Her job was over.
One-by-one, mother called up the families and introduced herself along with the reason of calling. For some reason or the other, like lack of hobbies, their expectations of a non-working housewife, and so on, things did not click.
On one such phone call, the mother of the boy or guy asked:
"Your daughter is 28 years old and still unmarried?"
"Yes", my mother replied.
"Is there some reason that she is still unmarried?"
"Ji nahi. She is looking for a person who shared the same interests."
"Is there something wrong with her, health and body wise?
"Oh no, she perfectly fine..."
I was taken back by the obnoxious question. Were we, as girls expected to disclose our body or plumbing issues on the phone at the first round of communication itself? And when faced with such an inquiry, can we counter it with some of our own, like" Can he get it up?", or "How does he stay fit?" or "Is he a virgin?" or even "Is his sperm count normal?" and so on?
Neeways, bureaus like Priya Shah drew a null-and-void for me. Don't think they will work for profiles like mine anyways, not when I am being probably "too choosy" to tie the knot with the first Gujju boy of the same stature and education.
Back then, marriage bureaus were very popular in our circle, and thus we visited one such popular agent, Priya Shah. She gave us a list of prospective candidates with their numbers, and left us to our own wills. Her job was over.
One-by-one, mother called up the families and introduced herself along with the reason of calling. For some reason or the other, like lack of hobbies, their expectations of a non-working housewife, and so on, things did not click.
On one such phone call, the mother of the boy or guy asked:
"Your daughter is 28 years old and still unmarried?"
"Yes", my mother replied.
"Is there some reason that she is still unmarried?"
"Ji nahi. She is looking for a person who shared the same interests."
"Is there something wrong with her, health and body wise?
"Oh no, she perfectly fine..."
I was taken back by the obnoxious question. Were we, as girls expected to disclose our body or plumbing issues on the phone at the first round of communication itself? And when faced with such an inquiry, can we counter it with some of our own, like" Can he get it up?", or "How does he stay fit?" or "Is he a virgin?" or even "Is his sperm count normal?" and so on?
Neeways, bureaus like Priya Shah drew a null-and-void for me. Don't think they will work for profiles like mine anyways, not when I am being probably "too choosy" to tie the knot with the first Gujju boy of the same stature and education.
When She Demanded "What Is Your Height?"
Profile: Don't Know
Religion: Jain
Profession: Don't Care
Based In : USA
Search Log: December 2008
On one of her 2-year trips to India, my aunt who is getting increasingly anxious about my single status, refered me a prospective Jain candidate settled in the US, who happened to be related to her daughter's in-law's family.
I meekly submitted my matrimonial CV and a photograph. A few days later a received an agitated phone call from a lady who identified herself as the aunt of the candidate.
"Hello, Im YYY, relative of Mrs Shah staying on Road No 3,"
"Yes, mam,"
"I was looking through your CV. It says you are 163cms. But your profile on Shaadi.com states that you are 5.4feet. But 163cms is not 5.4. So what are you?"
"I'm 5.4 feet mam."
"But you should be clear in your biodata. How is one to understand? Your biodate is not clear at all!"
"But, mam, you at least have all my details!' I argued. "I don't even have your nephew's biodata, or even the name of the person I am being considered for!"
Silence from the other end of the phone.
"What is the boy's name, mam?"
"XXX."
The phone clicked, she had disconnected.
I saw a red& purple mist of rage for the rest of the otherwise clear December-day.
Lesson learnt: Never give your biodata/CV to any party for matrimonial reasons before the party's CV has been given to you.
Religion: Jain
Profession: Don't Care
Based In : USA
Search Log: December 2008
On one of her 2-year trips to India, my aunt who is getting increasingly anxious about my single status, refered me a prospective Jain candidate settled in the US, who happened to be related to her daughter's in-law's family.
I meekly submitted my matrimonial CV and a photograph. A few days later a received an agitated phone call from a lady who identified herself as the aunt of the candidate.
"Hello, Im YYY, relative of Mrs Shah staying on Road No 3,"
"Yes, mam,"
"I was looking through your CV. It says you are 163cms. But your profile on Shaadi.com states that you are 5.4feet. But 163cms is not 5.4. So what are you?"
"I'm 5.4 feet mam."
"But you should be clear in your biodata. How is one to understand? Your biodate is not clear at all!"
"But, mam, you at least have all my details!' I argued. "I don't even have your nephew's biodata, or even the name of the person I am being considered for!"
Silence from the other end of the phone.
"What is the boy's name, mam?"
"XXX."
The phone clicked, she had disconnected.
I saw a red& purple mist of rage for the rest of the otherwise clear December-day.
Lesson learnt: Never give your biodata/CV to any party for matrimonial reasons before the party's CV has been given to you.
When Raven Met Fire
My First Blind Date: October 2000
It was sometime in June 2000, when a friend dragged me to a cyber-cafe to introduce orient me to the computer and the internet, both of which I was reluctant to learn at the time. She opened a few pages that she knew would hook me to the net, like Lakecards.com with their beautiful java applets of the moving, rippling water; yahoo groups, google.com and some interesting travel sites. And boy, I got hooked!
One one such cyber-cafe visit, she helped create an email account for me and showed me how to chat and we entered a chat-group. My first very email ID was Raven and we entered a general chat-room and chatted with each other in the chat-room, even while we were jseated ust 2 seats away, exchanging glances, grinning at each other and laughing when guys would try to hit on us in the chat-room and ask about our real names and also when we crashed into other group chats and disturbed their rhythm. I remember finding it weird and even pointless to chat with someone who is sitting right next to you, but coming back to my story...
Sometime into the chat-room fun, I started building a rapport with a dude who called himself Fire. Since our 1 hour was up, and the waiting queue was long, we exchanged email IDs, at my friend's behest, I decided to follow up with him the next day, as he seemed interesting.
I remember visiting the cyber-cafe a couple of times more and receiving some very warm emails from Fire. I was flattered by the attention he showered on me. A month later, I got my first job as a web writer, and I got access to a computer and the net, and this way I could write to Fire more often. I must have received some 10 or 15 lovely emails from him by then, and was very eager to meet this Fire. His warm emails, fiery language, interesting analogies and bits about his experiences were very good reads. I would not say I was infactuated, but yes, I was eager and curious enough to want to mee him. He had in the following couple of months revealed his name, his profession and his office address, so I was not worried much about the risks. I vaguely remember speaking to Fire (Sudhir S)on the phone a couple of times. I discussed meeting Fire at length with my friend, and she encouraged me to meet him in a public place.
Sometime in October that same year, we decided to meet up. I gave him my office address, which was at Churni Road at the time, and he dropped in and I still remember warmly welcoming a smart looking formally dressed chap into my office lobby. We went to a nearby fast-food joint I think, and had a burger.
During the span of that month, we met every Sunday, either at a restaurant or at Planet M, since we shared the same passion for music. With some enthusiasm, I even surprised him with a small parcel, a page- long poetry penned by me, a candle, an 'Enigma' album-cassette and some funny gimmicky stuff drawing references to some of the discussions we had had in the past. He seemed mildy happy to receive my surprise parcel.
Steadily, the Fire in his emails subsided to some ashy remains of 'Thank You' and a dry apology by email for not calling me one Sunday. And probably for one last time, when asked about whether he was the one penning those beautiful long emails, his usual 3-word email expanded one last time to 3 whole lines, emphatically confirming that it was indeed him and sounding a tad offended, before they stopped altogether.
Yep, I had secret fantasies of marrying this Fire, lekin woh aag 2 mahine main bhuj gayi. I was level-headed enough to not push the idea on him, but I naively thought even if it didn't work out, we would "stay friends forever". I remember being very disappointed when come December, Sudhir's communication lines with me had ceased altogether and he had remained inactive or offline in my chat box; I'm assuming he had deleted me. That's the end of the Fire & Raven story. Never again did enter chat-rooms thereafter.
It was sometime in June 2000, when a friend dragged me to a cyber-cafe to introduce orient me to the computer and the internet, both of which I was reluctant to learn at the time. She opened a few pages that she knew would hook me to the net, like Lakecards.com with their beautiful java applets of the moving, rippling water; yahoo groups, google.com and some interesting travel sites. And boy, I got hooked!
One one such cyber-cafe visit, she helped create an email account for me and showed me how to chat and we entered a chat-group. My first very email ID was Raven and we entered a general chat-room and chatted with each other in the chat-room, even while we were jseated ust 2 seats away, exchanging glances, grinning at each other and laughing when guys would try to hit on us in the chat-room and ask about our real names and also when we crashed into other group chats and disturbed their rhythm. I remember finding it weird and even pointless to chat with someone who is sitting right next to you, but coming back to my story...
Sometime into the chat-room fun, I started building a rapport with a dude who called himself Fire. Since our 1 hour was up, and the waiting queue was long, we exchanged email IDs, at my friend's behest, I decided to follow up with him the next day, as he seemed interesting.
I remember visiting the cyber-cafe a couple of times more and receiving some very warm emails from Fire. I was flattered by the attention he showered on me. A month later, I got my first job as a web writer, and I got access to a computer and the net, and this way I could write to Fire more often. I must have received some 10 or 15 lovely emails from him by then, and was very eager to meet this Fire. His warm emails, fiery language, interesting analogies and bits about his experiences were very good reads. I would not say I was infactuated, but yes, I was eager and curious enough to want to mee him. He had in the following couple of months revealed his name, his profession and his office address, so I was not worried much about the risks. I vaguely remember speaking to Fire (Sudhir S)on the phone a couple of times. I discussed meeting Fire at length with my friend, and she encouraged me to meet him in a public place.
Sometime in October that same year, we decided to meet up. I gave him my office address, which was at Churni Road at the time, and he dropped in and I still remember warmly welcoming a smart looking formally dressed chap into my office lobby. We went to a nearby fast-food joint I think, and had a burger.
During the span of that month, we met every Sunday, either at a restaurant or at Planet M, since we shared the same passion for music. With some enthusiasm, I even surprised him with a small parcel, a page- long poetry penned by me, a candle, an 'Enigma' album-cassette and some funny gimmicky stuff drawing references to some of the discussions we had had in the past. He seemed mildy happy to receive my surprise parcel.
Steadily, the Fire in his emails subsided to some ashy remains of 'Thank You' and a dry apology by email for not calling me one Sunday. And probably for one last time, when asked about whether he was the one penning those beautiful long emails, his usual 3-word email expanded one last time to 3 whole lines, emphatically confirming that it was indeed him and sounding a tad offended, before they stopped altogether.
Yep, I had secret fantasies of marrying this Fire, lekin woh aag 2 mahine main bhuj gayi. I was level-headed enough to not push the idea on him, but I naively thought even if it didn't work out, we would "stay friends forever". I remember being very disappointed when come December, Sudhir's communication lines with me had ceased altogether and he had remained inactive or offline in my chat box; I'm assuming he had deleted me. That's the end of the Fire & Raven story. Never again did enter chat-rooms thereafter.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
August 2010: When I Meet Curiosity
Search Log: August 2010
Profile Of Guy: Parsi
Age: 40 years
Profile: Businessman
Found his profile on Shaadi.com and called him, asking him to check my profile first and to call back if he was interested. He called back later and confirmed that he was and that we could meet. That was Step 1.
Step2: We met at a coffee joint at Phoenix Mall. He was just as he looked in his profile pix. He was smart, had a ready smile and was easy to converse with. He was a businessman who stayed in Mumbai Central, and ran his business from South Mumbai. He was a divorcee without any children.
Coffee & Questions
"Do websites like shaadi.com really work?" he asked me not 2 minutes after we had found our seats.
"Yes, they do. You read the papers about the millions of Indians
logging on, searching everyday and the stories about couples who have found each other this way." I answered.
"Are the people on this site serious about finding partners?"
"Can't answer for all of them, but I am. That's why I called you. Hope you are serious." My 'alert radar' was up and I tried to scope what he was thinking. I had a hunch that this was not going to work. Yet, I pushed my doubts, hunches, feelings and questions aside. "Go with the flow, let him take the lead", I counselled myself in my head.
He said, "yes, I am. But I dont know about how these sites work. My friend looks into it for me."
"You're lucky you have a frnd whose helping you this way. The rest of us manage independantly." I added, wondering where the talk was going.
"Do people look at the profiles before contacting each other?"
"Are they truthful about themselves on the website?"
"Was I the spokeperson for these websites? Or am I being the spokeperson for all the members of the websites?" I wondered to myself.
Well after an hour into the talks, we finished our coffees. We learnt a little about what each other were doing with our lives, what we did after work and more so about how bad his marraige was before he decided to call it quits. We got up and said our goodbyes. Just before we parted way I asked, "Just what got you to respond to my profile?"
"Oh, you spoke very well." he answered, and we split knowing that was the last we would see of each other.
And More Qs
As I found myself answering his Qs all through our meetup, I found myself asking Qs mostly to myself on my way back home.
Profile Of Guy: Parsi
Age: 40 years
Profile: Businessman
Found his profile on Shaadi.com and called him, asking him to check my profile first and to call back if he was interested. He called back later and confirmed that he was and that we could meet. That was Step 1.
Step2: We met at a coffee joint at Phoenix Mall. He was just as he looked in his profile pix. He was smart, had a ready smile and was easy to converse with. He was a businessman who stayed in Mumbai Central, and ran his business from South Mumbai. He was a divorcee without any children.
Coffee & Questions
"Do websites like shaadi.com really work?" he asked me not 2 minutes after we had found our seats.
"Yes, they do. You read the papers about the millions of Indians
logging on, searching everyday and the stories about couples who have found each other this way." I answered.
"Are the people on this site serious about finding partners?"
"Can't answer for all of them, but I am. That's why I called you. Hope you are serious." My 'alert radar' was up and I tried to scope what he was thinking. I had a hunch that this was not going to work. Yet, I pushed my doubts, hunches, feelings and questions aside. "Go with the flow, let him take the lead", I counselled myself in my head.
He said, "yes, I am. But I dont know about how these sites work. My friend looks into it for me."
"You're lucky you have a frnd whose helping you this way. The rest of us manage independantly." I added, wondering where the talk was going.
"Do people look at the profiles before contacting each other?"
"Are they truthful about themselves on the website?"
"Was I the spokeperson for these websites? Or am I being the spokeperson for all the members of the websites?" I wondered to myself.
Well after an hour into the talks, we finished our coffees. We learnt a little about what each other were doing with our lives, what we did after work and more so about how bad his marraige was before he decided to call it quits. We got up and said our goodbyes. Just before we parted way I asked, "Just what got you to respond to my profile?"
"Oh, you spoke very well." he answered, and we split knowing that was the last we would see of each other.
And More Qs
As I found myself answering his Qs all through our meetup, I found myself asking Qs mostly to myself on my way back home.
- So what did that mean? I 'spoke' well, but I dont 'look' that well?
- Was he serious at all about the search or just curious about the person on the other end of the line who just happened to speak well?
- Should I have drawn the line at some point about all His Qs?
- Should I have cut his Qs and made him answer some of my own?
August 2010: When I Could Define The Relationship I Want
Log: August 2010.
Profile Of Guy: Maharashtrian-Jain
Age: 52 years
Profile: Scientist
This happened sometime in August 2010. The person was a 52 year old Pune-based acquaintance I met a year ago, from a popular common interest travel website. He was a divorcee, not looking for another relationship at the time, so I had not pursued the matter. We met at a local restaurant with common friends, shared a few anecdotes and exchanged notes about each other's plans for that year.
It was only in May this year, that a common friend & former girlfriend, suggested him as a potentially good partner. She profiled him and he seemed suitable enough. "But he is not interested in marriage." she emphasised.
"Let's see", I answered, not wanting to let a good profile go based on some typical social taboos about live ins. I have met live ins, and they were quite happy with their lives. And who says the institution of marriage assures any kind of security? Maybe alternative partner lifestyle was the answer in the future. "You never know, it may work for you..." the friend suggested.
A couple of months rolled by and the common friend seemed to have forgotten all about it. I got impatient and dug up his number and called him one rainy July evening and he was every happy to get back in touch with me. We talked on the phone for days after that, and he was very forthcoming and clear about his status — that he was in a relationship with a girl my age who was reluctant to marry him, which suited his ideology to not get married at all. After all, he had been in a bad marriage for 18+years and did not want another mess on his table. His logic was clear, the man was frank.
Click, click, clicking
We had a lot in common; he loved reading, travelling, music, adventure travelling and shared the same grief about losing our fathers at the same time and around similar conditions and around the same time. He did not want children, and neither did I. He had a stable job and yearned to explore newer horizons in India and outside. He was a scientist, preparing to publish a paper for his phd and liked keeping fit, blogging and organising social meetups in Pune. An interesting profile and a very interesting person. Hmmm, what more could I want?
Meeting The Man
He invited me over to Pune. I agreed and one Sunday morning, I found myself in a bus on my way there. We met and spent the rest of the day together driving around his workplace, the city and he showed me around some tourist areas of interest. He was very open about his girlfriend, who did not want to marry him. Neeways, a lunch, another drive, a cup of tea and dinner together, it was crystal clear that he was reluctant to move out of that relationship, but was open to a"friendship"; like a travel partner along parallel lines.
Questions
But was I ready to that "type" of life? The answer was in plain sight. "Not for me". I'm on the wrong side of 30s, at a risk of being 'shelved', but I think I'll take my chances with my destiny and find a man who can be all mine. I returned to Mumbai, late that night... but couldn't have been more clear about what I did not want anymore. Thanks to him.
PS: He continues to remain a good friend and travel advicer and I continue to write for his website for fun. And thats the end of my search to his door. Guess that won't change.
Profile Of Guy: Maharashtrian-Jain
Age: 52 years
Profile: Scientist
This happened sometime in August 2010. The person was a 52 year old Pune-based acquaintance I met a year ago, from a popular common interest travel website. He was a divorcee, not looking for another relationship at the time, so I had not pursued the matter. We met at a local restaurant with common friends, shared a few anecdotes and exchanged notes about each other's plans for that year.
It was only in May this year, that a common friend & former girlfriend, suggested him as a potentially good partner. She profiled him and he seemed suitable enough. "But he is not interested in marriage." she emphasised.
"Let's see", I answered, not wanting to let a good profile go based on some typical social taboos about live ins. I have met live ins, and they were quite happy with their lives. And who says the institution of marriage assures any kind of security? Maybe alternative partner lifestyle was the answer in the future. "You never know, it may work for you..." the friend suggested.
A couple of months rolled by and the common friend seemed to have forgotten all about it. I got impatient and dug up his number and called him one rainy July evening and he was every happy to get back in touch with me. We talked on the phone for days after that, and he was very forthcoming and clear about his status — that he was in a relationship with a girl my age who was reluctant to marry him, which suited his ideology to not get married at all. After all, he had been in a bad marriage for 18+years and did not want another mess on his table. His logic was clear, the man was frank.
Click, click, clicking
We had a lot in common; he loved reading, travelling, music, adventure travelling and shared the same grief about losing our fathers at the same time and around similar conditions and around the same time. He did not want children, and neither did I. He had a stable job and yearned to explore newer horizons in India and outside. He was a scientist, preparing to publish a paper for his phd and liked keeping fit, blogging and organising social meetups in Pune. An interesting profile and a very interesting person. Hmmm, what more could I want?
Meeting The Man
He invited me over to Pune. I agreed and one Sunday morning, I found myself in a bus on my way there. We met and spent the rest of the day together driving around his workplace, the city and he showed me around some tourist areas of interest. He was very open about his girlfriend, who did not want to marry him. Neeways, a lunch, another drive, a cup of tea and dinner together, it was crystal clear that he was reluctant to move out of that relationship, but was open to a"friendship"; like a travel partner along parallel lines.
Questions
But was I ready to that "type" of life? The answer was in plain sight. "Not for me". I'm on the wrong side of 30s, at a risk of being 'shelved', but I think I'll take my chances with my destiny and find a man who can be all mine. I returned to Mumbai, late that night... but couldn't have been more clear about what I did not want anymore. Thanks to him.
PS: He continues to remain a good friend and travel advicer and I continue to write for his website for fun. And thats the end of my search to his door. Guess that won't change.
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